Marriage... In a Flash?

My name is Jeff Langr. I'd like to introduce you to my wife Kathy. We've been married 23 years, and are still working hard at keeping it going. Don't let anyone kid you: Particularly for a couple of strong-headed people like Kathy and me, a solid marriage doesn't come for free, and most certainly it doesn't come "in a flash!"

Over the years we've devised many things to help out, and tried a number of other peoples' guidelines, recommendations, and rules. Most of the time, these ideas have worked quite well. And yet we still have our problems. Well, it turns out that the hard part is in remembering all of that wonderful advice in the midst of a heated argument. Passion, anger, and frustration all have a way of blocking out reason.

While we don't have a solution that will always work, I'm finding that little reminders can go a long way. I like index cards, and carry a bunch around with me at all times. I write lists, bits of info, and memorable thoughts onto these little 3x5 cards and stuff them in my back pocket. From time to time I'll embarrass Kathy by pulling out a card and quoting from it. They work well for me; so well that I've authored a deck (along with a buddy, Tim Ottinger) of useful index cards for people doing software development (specifically, a modern technique known as "agile" software development). You can pick up Agile in a Flash at Amazon, or read the blog entries behind the deck.

Kathy and I hope to apply the "magic of cards" to our marriage. We'll be creating blog entries here, each showing an associated card. Each card will be a list or a reminder--something related to the challenges of married life.

We'll also come back here and follow up as we try to use the cards in our day-to-day life. Not everything is going to work--we'll provide an honest reflection on the success or failure of the ideas on each card. We invite you to do the same!